Scooter Scoop

2005-12-08T18:53:00.000-08:00

People ask how we're doing and I can usually tell them that we're doing great! I'm finding that I have a really real peace over Scott's death. I know many people find that hard to believe and it's even hard for me to explain. All I can say is that "peace that passes understanding" is real. I figure that God has a lot to do with giving me peace but aside from my faith maybe it's because when True was born that marked our new beginning in the most profound way. So, I'm just so happy being a mom to my kids. I don't wish Scott back from paradise, I just look forward to meeting him again there someday. Our anniversary came and went. I discovered that the worst part was the anticipation that it was going to be a difficult day. When the day came I made some plans with friends and it turned out to be a fun day. Then there was Thanksgiving and that too ended up being a beautiful special holiday with friend and family. Christmas is coming and I'm not sure how that will feel but I won't know until I get there.

It's not that I never feel sad, I do. When I find myself feeling sad I've discovered it's usually because I'm remembering the hard struggle of battling with brain cancer and the disappointments of losing the fight. I try not to remember that.

Instead, I think how lucky I am that I was given one great romance in my life. A love and a marriage sweeter than I could have ever imagined. Maybe I'll be so blessed that God will grant me another great romance, husband and father, some day. Here's the answer to the question people don't like to ask. Yes, while Scott was alive we did talk about my getting remarried. He really wanted me to get married again, for me and for the kids. He hoped that the kids would have a real flesh and blood dad to raise them with me. And like I've said before, Scott and I loved being married and he told me he wanted that for me again too. I don't know how that's going to happen but I'm sure God's got a plan.

That's the update for now, I'll make the next one more about the kids. I love talking about them!!!

Merry Christmas

Michele

2005-12-02T04:27:00.000-08:00

True and mommy at 4 1/2 months

Josephine is always having fun with her Aunty Lonnie

Halloween 2005 True's not nearly as excited as Josephine.
Two handsome men. True and my brother Mike.

2005-12-02T04:11:00.000-08:00

Finally Pictures!
At the hospital after True's birth
A sunny August Day on a friends boat

True's first bath and Josephine's a helper

2005-10-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

What I Learned From My 2 Year Old

It's October and Scott died 4 months ago. Josephine turned 2 in July. I'm amazed at how much she is aware of and her memory of him.

My husband and I had a strong faith in God and I believe that he is in heaven. So when my daughter and I talk about daddy, I often tell her that "He had to go away. He loves us very much. We love him very much. He's happy. He's in heaven."

The other day, we were having a conversation about daddy and for the first time I asked her what she thought daddy was doing in heaven. It's interesting, but I hadn't put a lot of thought into that myself. So she said, "He's dancing." You see, Scott and I loved to dance. We met swing dancing and often danced with each other in front of her. While I was pregnant with Josephine we were even taking tap lessons together.

I said, "Yes, I bet he is dancing or maybe he's reading." And the game went on like that. Now when she brings up daddy, we talk about what he might be doing "right now". Dancing, swimming, reading, eating, singing. I love it. This conversation with my two year old has been so healing for me. I'm reminded me that Scott isn't just gone. If I believe in heaven then I guess I have to believe that he's doing something there right now just as I'm doing something here.

People often say to me that he's at rest now. Well, if I know Scott, the last thing he is doing right now is resting. He got plenty of rest while he was battling cancer. I think he's dancing.

(side note: I actually wrote this about a month ago but it took a while to post it)

2005-10-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

The kids are in bed. Hallelujah! I'm going to try and continue to keep this journal going for myself, the kids and anyone else who would like to see how we are doing from time to time. But no guarantees. You see, with a two year old and an infant my home is a constant buzz and my hands are full.

I love them so much. I wasn't sure how it was going to feel after True was born. I thought that it just might be really sad raising two little ones without Scott. Instead, I look at them and my heart is just filled with LOVE. I once had the joy of so often saying "I love being a wife!!" now everyday I'm overcome with, "I love being a mom!" It's so exhausting. I've realized that if one kid is 1 times the work, than two kids is 4 times the work. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Being a mom is the number one calling God has placed on my life since Scott died. Before that it was to be wife and care for my husband. It's such a great honor to raise them and be the most important influence in their life right now.

True is turning out to be the perfect baby. He's colicky and is showing no signs of slowing. It's hard on Josephine because she doesn't like her brother to be upset so she offers suggestions on what True might need. In her panicked little voice she'll say, "OH NO, True's crying. He needs breast milk!" or "We have to help him. His tummy hurts!" or "Can you put him in the Baby Bjorn Momma?". She is such a sweet heart and we love baby True.

Gotta go take a shower, clean up the house, pay a few bills and get to bed.

Blessing!

Michele

2005-07-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

Great News! Our baby has arrived.

True Jackson Gray was born
July 7th, 2005
He weighs 6lbs exactly and is 19.5 inches

Mama and baby are both happy and healthy at home now. Just as with all new babies he's feeding often and keeping me up at night but he's such a joy. When there's a spare minute from baby I'm giving Josephine as much love and security as I can to help her adjust to two big changes in her world - - daddy being gone and a new baby in the house. So far she's not too jealous of the attention he gets but we've been blessed to have Quinn helping us. Quinn has been helping us with Josephine since January and is truly a gift from God. She has been another stable consistant presence in Josephines life and that's just what she needs.

True means "a faithful and loyal man". These are two character traits that I admired most about True's dad. His middle name, Jackson, is a name that Scott chose but it doesn't have any significant meaning. Scott just really liked that name.

For me, the name True is also a reminder of a verse that I'm holding onto more dearly than ever these days.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever, is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. [Philippians 4:8].

Isn't that beautiful! Our son is reminder of God's excellence and love. I can't wait to discover the person God has created him to be. This verse also reminds me of the pure goodness that so many of you have shown to our family as you have supported us and taken care of us this past year and a half. As I share with our kids the story of their mother and fathers life together, the amazing goodness we received from others will always be a huge part of it. This verse is how I want to continue to live and what I will strive to teach my children.

Thank you to everyone who has already passed on good wishes and blessings for the arrival of True! It means so much to receive your joyful notes and letters. Let me apologize in advance for not returning emails or phone calls. Scott and I were a great team, but as a single mom with a newborn, a toddler, a house to run and adjusting to life without my best teammate, things get done on a very different time schedule. Please keep your expectations very low for returning phone call and checking emails.

Thank You and Bless You!

Michele

2005-06-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Here are some final thoughts on how I’m making sense out of all of this. Scott and I have always believed that God gives every marriage a purpose for serving Him. We had thought that maybe we would teach a class together or help young couples with pre-marital counseling. Now I know for certain that a big part of God’s purpose for our marriage was to go through this battle with brain cancer and share our experience with all of you. Thank you for letting us do that and giving us so much support along the way.

Looking ahead, our little family has a lot of changes to adjust to over this next year and beyond. My hope and strength still rests in the God that has much more for me to do. First I’m called to be a mother to our little ones and then I’m praying about how God is going to continue to use this experience to help others and serve Him.

This is a very hard time for me. Josephine and I are taking things one day at a time and grieving the loss of my honey and her dada. Josephine has needed a lot of stability around her and she still asks to “go see dada” so we’re working though that. I am so grateful to be surrounded by the love and compassion of caring people who are helping me emotionally, spiritually, and practically. I’m amazed at how busy I am getting things squared away legally and financially while preparing our home for the coming baby. I can’t wait to meet him!

I have one more request from all of you that would mean so much to me and the kids!! I’m gathering together things for the children that will teach them more about who their father was. I would love it if you could send me any stories, short or long, funny or serious, on your memories or experience with knowing Scott. I’m going to put them together and give it to them at the appropriate time when they are older. Thanks so so much. You can send the stories back to me here or send them to me at home, 1751 N. Talman Ave. Chicago, IL 60647. Thank you.

All our love to you,

Michele, Josephine and Baby Gray

2005-06-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

This is a copy of the tribute I wrote for Scott that was read at his memorial service. Some of you have asked for a copy and others of you who couldn’t be there might enjoy reading it.

Michele

Today I have the privilege to honor Scott, my husband and our children’s father. I couldn’t be a prouder wife. I want people to know that Scott’s greatest achievements in life had nothing to do with the things he did but it was the virtue and character he possessed that made him so amazing and special. I’ll share a story that might explain that better. A few months ago when Scott’s muscles were getting weaker and his language was an everyday struggle, my sister and I were able to get him out of the house one day for a walk. Two young girls passed by us on the sidewalk. They were probably 12 or 13 years old and as they passed by one of the girls shot us a look that said, “who do you think you are walking on my piece of pavement.” I immediately thought to myself, “what bad attitudes”. Then Scott spoke and said, “she has so much pain.” His heart was broken for her as he continued. Struggling to get the right words he said, “she probably hates me but she doesn’t know that I have nothing”. Meaning that he was so sick. And then he said, “but I have everything, and I want her to know that I love her.” Scott saw right past her attitude and into her heart and he loved her. He even wanted to go back and tell her but decided not to because he knew how hard it would be to communicate. This is the Scott that I want you to remember. This is the Scott that I had the privilege of telling so often, “I want to be more like you.” He made me a better person and a better wife.

Scott was transformed by the things he learned throughout his life. He worked hard and even studied to learn about God and understand people and relationships. Anyone who’s ever been into our house would know this from Scott’s extensive book collection. I’m so proud of him for this but Scott would give all the credit to the God who transformed him, our Lord Jesus Christ.

He never lost his faith and trust in the Lord. As his body broke down, Scott’s spirit only shown brighter for all of us to see. It was so beautiful and inspirational to watch Scott and hear him and learn from him. Even on the hardest days his heart was filled with love and hope in Jesus. Jesus never failed him or us.

Scott and I talked about what he wanted me to tell you today. What he would want people to know at his funeral.

He said this,
“What I really want is to shine about everything I’ve been called to.
To remind people to walk with the Lord and enjoy him.
Remember to worship.
Remember Christ.
I want so many people to be touched by the Lord and not to be discouraged. I want them to be encouraged.
We don’t know what it’s going to be like in our futures but we can know that we are all going to be together. I’m praying that everyone would know Jesus Christ.”

That is what Scott said he wanted for today.

On behalf of Scott and myself I want to thank you for the incredible outpouring of love and support and prayers. You have profoundly blessed us. Throughout this battle, you often heard Scott say he felt he would beat this brain cancer because “God had more for him to do.” At times, as things got worse, even I wondered if this could be true. But then, over the past months he started to say this instead. He said, “I don’t want people to be discouraged because I know that God has so much more for them to do.” Remember this.

My comfort comes from knowing that God has done as he promised and he has restored my husband. Scott has eternal life in heaven with our great and mighty God! He is strong again, he is whole again, he can speak again and sing and worship the Lord once again. And I know that God still has much more for us and him to do.

2005-06-13T05:38:00.000-07:00

Memorial Service on Thursday for Joseph Scott Gray

There will be a memorial service for Scott on:
Thursday, June 16th at Noon
First Presbyterian Church in Evanston
1427 Chicago Avenue
Evanston, IL 60201
There will be no wake or visitation. Scott's desire was for us to come together in a celebration of his life and the God that he loves so much. He said he wanted his service to "shine for Jesus Christ!". Personally, I see them both shining!

You can find a copy of Scott's death notice/obituary on the funeral home web site. It's http://donnellanfuneral.com. There is a very handsome picture of Scott included.

God Bless You,
Michele

2005-06-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

This morning, Sunday June 12th, at 5AM Scott went home to be with Jesus. I was holding his hand. Please don't call the house so over these next few days I can take care of Josephine and make necessary arrangements. There are people with me and helping me.

I hope to have all the details of the upcoming memorial service and reception available tomorrow (Monday afternoon). I'll post them on the website and have them emailed out from scooterscoop on Monday.

Love,
Michele

2005-06-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

Since the last update, Scott's health has taken a rapid decline. I now have an excellent caregiver to help me with Scott 12 hours a day. Thank you for praying about that. His strength has left him, he sleeps most of the day and night and has very little response to us. He is not in any pain and his sleep is very peaceful.

This past week, as he became more and more dependent on us and unable to care for himself, it was frustrating for him. He was able to tell me that he knew God didn't want to keep him this way long. This gave me such peace. I know he is right and I feel that the time is coming soon where God is going to restore him (one way or another). His love and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ has never ever waned. I know that God can do a miracle and heal him physically, even now. But, I am also fully aware that Scott's healing may come through his death. I have not given up hope for a miracle but I have accepted the reality that God may have a different plan.

God has been comforting me with the knowledge that Scott may soon be restored in heaven. All I can say is God has shown us such mercy and grace throughout this entire journey, the hardest part is happening now, is seeing Scott so weak and helpless. I can't wait to have the peace of knowing that Scott has been restored to wholeness, healed fully, in a place where all his heart and soul and voice and strength will be praising and serving the Lord on high once again!!! This is what we live for. Again and again, throughout this battle, Scott would say, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 And this is how Scott lived. He lived for Christ, everyday, and he knew that someday in death he would receive the promise of eternal life in heaven. This is comfort to me. I even think that everything Scott said about God having more for him to do, is going to be revealed for Scott in heaven. I'm sure that God must have something very important for Scott to do and someday I and the kids will get to find out what that is.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Your love has sustained us.

Love,
Michele

2005-05-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to update more frequently but we are so busy at the house that it's been impossible. Thank you for refraining from calling. I'm taking and making many many calls every day as well as taking care of Scott. It's actually hard to even get quality time with him for myself and Josephine.

Briefly, over the past few weeks his health and ability to function has gone up and down. The hardest part is just simply not knowing what each day will be like for him. We can't count on the previous day to gage what the day will bring for us. He is sleeping a lot and seems to function better when he's had the rest his body is calling for.

We are very glad to be in hospice care. They have a very caring staff. We have also been blessed with the generous help of some amazing friends who have experience in caregiving. They have come in for many days and lovingly helped me with Scott. What a God send! Also, we are thankful for all of you who have been helping us with meals and lawn care and cleaning and errands. You lighten our load.

I am now researching and interviewing to find the right person for full time paid help with Scott. Please pray that the right person come along soon. Just finding the time to research and interview is a challenge.

God Bless You!

Love,
Michele

2005-05-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Michele has asked me to pass on some news as well as give you some info that many of you have asked about.

First of all, Michele says, "Scott's health has continued to get worse so it's become necessary for us to enter into hospice care. They have been wonderfully helpful." To expand just a little bit, Scott is still at home, but his care there has changed.

Secondly, many of you have asked, "Is there any way that we can help the Grays financially?" Scott's cousin, Bob Rogers, has set up a Trust Fund for them. If you would like to send a check, please send it to:

THE GRAY FAMILY BENEVOLENCE FUND
C/o HORIZON BANK
Franklin Square Office
515 Franklin Square
Michigan City, Indiana 46360

Attached is a letter that Bob has written full of encouragement for those who may wish to give. As you all know Scott and Michele have a deep faith in Jesus Christ, and Bob does too. His note is full of praise, thanksgiving, comfort and Christian imagery. I believe most of you will appreciate and be encouraged by his words. If you wish, please take a moment to read it. If not, all the information you need is listed above.

Finally, I spoke with Michele today and , as always, she was expressing her amazement at how people have been so kind and loving during this time. She and Scott do not want anyone to feel obligated to give. So many have done so much already. This note is merely getting the word out that there is a vehicle for those who want to give financially.

Blessing to all of you!!

Scooterscoop

2005-05-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

A note from Scott's cousin, Bob Rogers:

Reading in Jeremiah (Chapter 17: 7-8), “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

What great comfort we have in knowing that Scott’s life is in the hands of the one who created him, and that the fruit he continues to bear is the result of his faith in his creator, his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For those of you that continue to share this journey with Scott and Michele, and are consistently praying for his healing, THANK YOU! Please keep praying for Scott. And please keep praying for strength and stamina for Michele and she continues to care for Scott during this difficult time.

Many of you are acutely aware of their physical needs at this time. Many of you have been gracious with your offers of support and help. Although they continue to receive much appreciated help from family and friends, the financial toll this has taken on the Gray family has been extreme. Additionally, Michele’s pregnancy has been complicated, and she has medical needs of her own (which she has had to ignore for Scott’s sake). They have no income at this point to meet their housing expenses, utilities, food, and day care costs. They’ve been relying totally on savings and the help of others to meet their needs. As you know, once we thought things couldn’t get worse, in March, their mini-van (parked in their front yard) was completely destroyed in a gang related incident. Fortunately, the need for a new car was met by the generosity of another family. When I heard this story I thought of Paul’s letter in Romans 12 referring to the body of Christ and the spiritual gifts we are given (verse 8): “if it is encouragement, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously.” Scott and Michele continue to remain in positive spirits, knowing that God is in control of their lives; that He is good and faithful, and will meet all their needs. We can have confidence that God will use the body of Christ to meet the needs of the Gray family, by placing a burden on the heart of his people to intercede on their behalf. Just as God has the capability of miraculously healing Scott of these brain tumors, He also has the capability of relieving Scott and Michele of this overwhelming financial burden. If you feel led to help in any way, any contribution, large or small, would be appreciated more than you can imagine. Even a small donation would help tremendously by paying for a few hours of day care.

If you would consider making a gift, you can send it to the Gray family at:

THE GRAY FAMILY BENEVOLENCE FUND
C/o HORIZON BANK
Franklin Square Office
515 Franklin Square
Michigan City, Indiana 46360

THANK YOU!

Your help is most appreciated, and I know Scott and Michele will be eternally grateful to you. If you can think of anyone else that might consider making a gift to the Gray family, please pass on this request or give me a call, so I can contact them personally.

Thank you again.

2005-05-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

Scott's health has continued to get worse so it's become necessary for us to enter into hospice care. They have been wonderfully helpful.

Bless you,
Michele

2005-05-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

Invitation to come worship with us at the Gray's! 2PM Sunday May 15th

Scott and I haven't been able to make it to church for many weeks and for us church is a celebration we don't like to miss. The part Scott's missing the most is the music and joyful singing to the Lord! Our hearts are filled with love and adoration for the God of all creation when we sing so . . . this Sunday we're going to bring some of that here to our house and we welcome you to join us. We are Christians but you don't need to be to join us. All are welcome, you can even just come to listen. We know it will be a blessing, even if Scott is so tired that he has to be resting. Thanks so much. God Bless You!

Michele Gray
1751 N. Talman Ave.
Chicago, IL 60647

2005-05-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's been some time since I've been able to update you and a lot has happened. I've been hoping and praying that this update would bring you better news on Scott's health and progress but I'm sad to report it's doesn't.

These last three weeks have been very frustrating for me as I've seen a constant decline in many areas of Scott's health. The drugs he's been on (steroids, seizures meds, chemo, biotech drugs) have caused his body to become toxic. Three weeks ago I noticed small purple spots on his arms, legs and stomach and a week later they increased and deeper bruises were showing up. His nose and his toe nail began bleeding. One doctor suggested it was leaking blood vessels but his blood tests didn't fully support that theory. All the while, he became more tired and less stable on his feet. I hounded his doctors for answers and advice but each time they came back with nothing concrete to tell me. They reassured me by reminding me that Scott has been through a lot. No kidding! Finally, after three weeks of his platelets dropping and his liver enzymes increasing, his oncologist agreed with me that it would be good to stop the daily chemo and biotech pills. Praise God!! I've been so ready to get him off some of the medications and now he's been off those two for about a week. I'm doing everything I can to help him nutritionally to restore his liver and blood. NOTE: Please don't send nutritional advice in these areas. I've sorted through the options and I'm comfortable with what I'm doing.

Even more serious, is his level of dependence on me. It's painful to share this with you because I so desperately want to give you better news but I know that the truth is the most important. Scott and I decided very early in this battle to open our lives to you. We did this so you could experience the blessings with us and there are soooo many but this is the harder side. Scott now needs my help and assistance from the minute he wakes until he goes to bed. He relies on me to tell him what he should be doing and help him do it or do it for him. He is the most gracious and loving man. He makes me feel so appreciated. Helping him is an honor. I do everything I can to make him feel empowered and capable because over the last three weeks ordinary daily activities have become more confusing for him. I don't want him to experience frustration or feel incapable so I watch closely, guide him and jump in before he makes a big mistake. I guess I've done a pretty good job because he's not aware of how much help he needs. His level of fatigue is so intense that he's now taking 2-3 hour naps and when he's awake he only has very shorts spurts of energy (20-30 minutes) before he's incredibly tired again. After his last doctors appointment, he was so tired and wobbly, I needed a wheel chair to get him back to the car.

So, what do we think will happen next?? Well, Scott hasn't given up hope, I haven't given up hope, his doctors haven't given up and neither should you. We're praying that as some of the drugs leave his body he would get to a state of better physical health, with more energy, and more mental clarity. At the same time I've come to the point where I know I need to seek out professional assistance. Although we have incredible help with Josephine, I still have a house to run and a baby due in 2 months. I can't get away because it's not safe for Scott to be left alone. I've made some phone calls and should find out more next week about home services for people with disability's. One thing I know for sure is whoever comes to help me with Scott will be blessed by Scott. With all he's been through and is going through now, he still finds a way to bless everyone he comes in contact with each day. He never stops telling people "bless you" and "I love you" and "I'm praying for you." Literally everyone we come in contact with Scott blesses and it doesn't matter if it's the post man, he blesses him too. I love to see how that catches people off guard. They are touched and I find myself thinking, "Wow, I have to do that more!"

Scott's next MRI is scheduled for the week after next.

As Scott does, I'm blowing you kisses and saying BLESS YOU!! And if you haven't checked out our Easter pictures on the web site it's: scooterscoop.blogspot.com

Love,
Michele and Scott Gray

P.S. If anyone would like to volunteer and help run errands, mow the lawn, clean, or provide a meal, I'm open to your help. I'm not going to be too humble about asking for help because we need it and you've said I should let you know what we need.
If you want to help with errands or lawn mowing just email me at moxiegray@yahoo.com
If you want to help with meals, email Gretchen at gretchen_flores@comcast.net
If you want to help with cleaning, email Kristen at JKandAStuck@aol.com. She's been organizing cleaning help on Saturday mornings around 10am.

2005-04-25T13:49:00.000-07:00

Photos from Easter 2005!

This is a family shot of Scott, Michele & Josephine!

2005-04-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

1. Our car has been replaced. God totally provided us with a great car to replace the burned up minivan! There was a couple out there who had been praying for God to bring along someone really in need of a car. They received our email and soon we'll be getting a great used car!!

2. Scott's toe is getting better but my veins are worse.

3. Scott's health has been like roller coaster lately, at this time he's doing a little better again and very determined to remain on that path. He had an MRI last week and we found out yesterday that there's good news/bad news. Good news is his doctors are very happy about how he's doing today compared to 3 months ago. Bad news is there does appear to be some continuing tumor activity. No one knows what could happen next, we have to wait and see.

4. Scott's been on steroids a long time and it's taking a hard toll on his body. Because he's been on steroids so long, they are causing severe side effects like constant hand tremors, muscle deterioration and lots of bloating. At this time, the steroids are absolutely necessary for his brain to function the best it can. They keep down swelling in his brain. Every time we try to decrease them the result is increased brain swelling which leaves him with profound language difficulties and confusion in simple daily functions. No easy solutions here only a prayer for the swelling in his brain to decrease so we can get him off the steroids.

5. Leaving you with another glory story. The other day started out very upsetting. I spent the previous night watching over our daughter Josephine who was sick with the flu and a high fever. In the morning I went to take a short nap but forgot to turn off our house alarm. Scott set it off and he couldn't remember the code. I got to it too late and the police had already been dispatched. Two officers, a man and a woman, with bullet proof vests and guns showed up and I explained what happened. They were full of compassion and more concerned about how Scott was than anything. One officer asked Scott how he was doing and, no surprise to any of us, Scott's response was that we are still praying. They were overjoyed at hearing him say this and at that moment we all felt the presence of the Lord. The next thing you know, these two officers came in our house, placed their hands on Scott and began praying for God to heal him. Can you believe it!! Two Chicago police officers, from our neighborhood (it's a little rough over here if you didn't know), standing inside our house are praying for Scott. It was powerful and just what we needed. As fast as they came, they left.

6. I have no clue what God is doing or allowing or planning for us these days. I've stopped trying to figure it out. All I know is I can still hold onto hope and pray because somehow I still believe that God is sufficient and cares about us. I'm sure Scott's determination and faith have a lot to do with that. He's always inspiring me and keeping my faith alive.

2005-03-30T04:47:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone. Spring is finally coming to Chicago! We've had weather in the 50's and even 60's this week. I know for some of you in warmer climates, you'll find that funny.

We had a wonderful weekend with Josephine and at church celebrating Easter. As for Scott, things are generally the same as I described in the last update -- stable. That's good. If you didn't get the last update, here's a reminder that you can check recent and past updates anytime on http://scooterscoop.blogspot.com.

Scott and I keep marveling at how God has brought us through this last year of battling brain cancer. We are so grateful for all the ways God continues to fill us with hope and joy and how he has used all of you. Scott wants me to tell you that he feels the Lord is still with us and loving us. He also wants to remind you that even from the beginning he has believed the spirit of God has more for him to do. He knows it in his heart and feels God's love. It is because of this that we have found a way to laugh at some of the other difficulties in life that might otherwise be very upsetting.

I'm going to share a few of these recent things with you so you can keep them in your thoughts and prayers. We aren't going to allow these new challenges to destroy us, not after all we've been through and still come out hopeful. That's how we've decided to look at them.

At 3AM Monday morning the fire department was pounding on our front door. Before I reached the door I saw the glowing red flames and smoke from outside our window. A car parked out front was a blazing ball of fire. I could see the car wasn't ours but then I saw our mini-van parked directly behind it and it had caught fire too! The entire front end was a mangled mess, it was destroyed. Firefighters had to rip the front open and smash the windows to make sure all the fire had been put out. Police suspect it was the work of gang bangers. Fortunately, no one's house caught fire and no one was injured. That's the most important part. The mini-van was on loan to us from Scott's parents and was about 12 years old. It was a great car but the insurance value will be very little. Mostly, Quinn used the mini-van while taking care of Josephine. I've really relied on her help to run errands and grocery shop as well as get Josephine around to activities. We have another car but it always needs to be available so I can get Scott where he needs to go, especially in an emergency. If anyone knows someone getting rid of or selling a cheap used car that's very safe (since it carries children) let us know. This might even be a blessing in disguise. Maybe the car was on it's last leg and then it wouldn't be worth anything. So now, it has some replacement value even if it's small.
Here's what the van looks like:

Also this week, the city Department of Waste Management came by to fix a broken sewer pipe in front of our house. Over the last 6 months we've had the nauseating smell of sewer waste in our house. No sewage back up, just sewer gases - P U! It's been extreme at times and quite a mystery even to sewer contractors and inspectors. We think, hope, and pray that when they dig up the street tomorrow and fix the broken pipe it will solve our stinky problem. Finally, a solution may come -Hooray!!

The last two things to keep in prayer are toes and legs. The legs are mine and I need them to take care of Scott and Josephine. I'm again having a very painful experience with varicose veins due to the pregnancy. This happened with my first pregnancy and resulted in a blood clot in one of my legs. I had two surgeries to strip the veins in both legs and the doctor told me there was only a 2% chance of the having problems in a future pregnancy. Well. The only thing that can be done now is to wear compression stockings every day all day but it's still not enough. Next is toes. Scott has had a toe infection that hasn't gone away for three weeks. He's already on his second course of antibiotics but it doesn't seem to be helping either. The whole thing is really a pain in the toe for him. Seriously, it is frustrating.

See, now there really is something ridiculous, almost humorous about all these other unusual things going on. We haven't come this far with joy in our hearts to be destroyed by things like this and we won't.

Thanks for laughing with and loving us. We love you too.

Michele and Scott Gray

2005-03-18T03:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long delay between updates. We just continue to be really really busy with Scott's schedule.

Since my last update, I have better news to report - finally. The way things were going started to really scare us. After Scott's last surgery on Feb 11, we were all really excited about how well Scott came through. Over the next week he continued to do fine and then things started getting worse. He was extremely fatigued and everything started becoming very difficult. The doctors thought the cause might only be some swelling and surgical recovery but on Feb 28 they discovered more tumor growth. That same day, he had the Gamma Knife radiation treatment and the doctors were confident that the radiation could still cover all the visible tumor area but they couldn't make any promises for how successful it would be or what to expect. Over the next week he started two chemo drugs and a host of other medications thought to help boost the effects. Unfortunately, even over the course of that week he seemed to continue to get even worse. It was very scary and discouraging.

Then one evening, about two weeks ago, he woke up from a nap and something was radiant about him. I hadn't seen that in a long time! His face had life back in it. That evening he had a phone conversation with his mom and for the first time in weeks I could hear improvement. Small improvement, but improvement none the less! Hooray! I hoped that was a sign that things wouldn't continue to get worse and it was. I can say that now, two weeks later, because I've seen his language continue to make small improvements and he can feel it too.

He still gets extremely exhausted and needs a long nap every 3-4 hours but he's started to have more energy when he's awake. He's not able to do any reading or writing but we are working on letters, their sounds, and individual words. We've started back with the speech therapist and have been encouraged by his success during those sessions. It's going to take a lot of repetition and practice to bring back the words for many things. People sometimes ask if he's lost any of his memories but it's not that. He has all his memories, he's just lost the language ability to describe what he knows and comprehend many things we say. You can still have great conversations but I advise people to use hand gestures, slow down a bit and definetly ask him if he's understanding. It may only take saying it in a different way for him to understand. We've been blessed by people who have come by for short visits and by those who come over to pray. It's fun and is an encouragement to us. One or two people at a time is enough for now because extra conversations and background noises cause a mental overload and shutdown.

He spends time every day listening to the bible on CD and he calls that his reading. God's word continues to ministers to his soul and lifts him up.

I guess to sum it up, things are stable now and we hope and pray he would remain stable and steadfast in his recovery. Lots of work ahead. Thank you for your constant love, support, prayers and help! We are so blessed by every one of you. You are so kind to keep thinking about us and reading our updates.

Love and Blessings,
Michele and Scott Gray

2005-03-04T09:29:00.000-08:00

Scott received his Gamma Knife (GK) treatment last Friday and has started two different chemo treatments this week. As for the GK, everything went very well. They did an MRI just prior to the treatment and found more tumor growth. Although it's scary and a bit discouraging, no one was shocked at this finding, given the history of the tumor. Luckily, the growth was all still in the same area of the recent surgery so they were able to cover the entire tumor area with the GK radiation. This new growth has certainly contributed to his recent language difficulties, fatigue, and small seizures. We are happy to report that the small seizures have stopped!

Since beginning the brain cancer battle a year ago this is one of the toughest places we've been in yet. Scott and I are still believing and praying for a miracle although at times that is very hard to do. Often, it is only through the strength and encouragement of others that we can remain hopeful and keep our eyes on God. Scott can't read or write and language can be very hard but we're starting our at-home therapy work. I help him with many things but neither of us mind that. I'm honored to be the one who gets to help him and I think I just love him more every day. Thank God Scott still has his sense of humor. The other day, he was trying to say something and it was such a struggle. ALL the words came out terribly mixed up, so he intentionally began speaking jibberish in this comical swedish accent. He had us all cracking up! I love that about him.

His IV chemo started on Friday and he's also taking another oral chemo every day. I give him over 20 pills a day!! Yikes. We both hate that. So far he's tolerated the IV chemo very well and we have to wait and see how he'll tolerate the oral chemo.

Scott's Birthday was on the 2nd and we had a great little celebration at home with Josephine, his mom, and my sister Mindy. Also, I'm beginning to feel our new little boy kicking and moving around. Scott and I are really excited about welcoming him into the world in just over 4 months!

I'll keep you posted on everything as we go.

Michele

2005-02-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

Last night we had quite a scare. Scott started having little seizures. In the past those little seizures led up to a grand mal, which is a really big seizure. If a grand mal seizure happens, we're in big trouble since it could take a very long times (weeks-months) for him to recover from the brain trauma caused by the seizure alone. At this point we can't afford that kind of time to delay treatment. With the help of our neighbors, Mike and Joe, I got Scott to the emergency room at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. They did a scan of his brain and didn't find any serious looking problems like bleeding or infections. They suspected that some the normal swelling that comes post surgery was causing his little seizures. I was able to take him home with increased steroids and seizure medications. Today I'm watching him very closely and tomorrow he will still get the Gamma Knife radiation treatment as planned. He should still be starting chemo early next week. We can't afford any delays in this treatments. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Michele

2005-02-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

It's been about 10 days since our last update. Scott came home from the hospital last Tuesday. Recovery is still very hard and he's very tired. It's much harder this time because it's his third brain surgery and as you know it was an extensive one. Scott is still struggling quite a bit with language. It's difficult for him to come up with the right words for things and understanding what people are saying. Also reading and writing are very bad. We are hopeful that with lots of work, we can bring back much of his abilities. We will go twice a week for language rehad but I will be Scott's main teacher and coach. I've already started shopping for phonics workbooks and picture dictionaries and I've discovered a few tools that might make the work more fun. Sometimes, I worry about how much work we have ahead of us and how frustrating it can. I wonder if it's really possible but then I remember that he is already doing better than the doctors expected and we've met people who had to go through years of language rehad. Most importantly, these days I try and remember Gods word. He said,"Is anything too hard for me (God)?" The only answer is "No God, nothing is too hard for you." So, we need Gods help and a miracle and that's not impossible. Also, Scott has an incredible determination to succeed.

Friday is an important day. We go back to the hospital for his MRI followed by Gamma Knife radiation surgery. They hope the MRI won't show any new growth since the last one and that the radiation will kill the remaining small tumor. It's a once time treatment of radiation with a possible overnight stay. It can take a couple months to know if it was a success.

Next week, Scott will begin his next regimen of chemo. This is his forth attempt at finding a successful chemo. We're praying for God to make this next chemo effective and supernaturally remove any remaining cancer cells.

Thank you so much to all those who have been helping us in so many ways. It's hard to explain how deeply you have touched us. Scott gets very emotional about those things because he can't believe how so many people have come forward to help take care of us. You've taken on many of our everyday burdens for us. For me that means I can do a better job caring for Scott and our household and for Scott, that means he doesn't feel the stress of not being able to take care of us right now.

God Bless and I'll let you know next week how everything is going.

Michele

2005-02-13T08:36:00.000-08:00

More Good News!

Dr. Chandler, Scott's surgeon, came in yesterday on his day off to see how Scott was doing. First, he took a look at the MRI to see how much of the tumor is remaining. Scott's mom, dad, brother and I crowded around two very large computer screens so Dr. Chandler could show us the comparisons of the MRI taken the morning of the surgery and the one taken the day after. The first image is just shocking when you see the huge area of Scott's left temporal lobe that is taken over by tumor. It had definetly grown bigger since the last time I saw it and I could only imagine how it must have felt for his family to see it for the first time. Then, to the right, we looked at a screen with the image taken after surgery. We could all see the huge hole that was once the ugly tumor and it was beautiful. The surgery went extremely well and almost the entire tumor is no longer visible. I believe it's gone, even though they say that we can never be sure. There is only a very small portion, much smaller than even Dr. Chandler expected, still remaining. Everyone felt relief and joy. What's just as miraculous is that with so much of Scott's brain cut away he is functioning fairly well. We know we do have a lot of rehab work ahead but Dr. Chandler said he really didn't believe Scott would make it through the surgery at the level he's at.

So now it's Sunday and Scott is still very tired and a bit groggy. Like I said earlier, he's struggling with finding words and naming things and still needs extra help understanding. I'm there almost all the time to help him answer questions for his nurses and explain things to him in a way he understands. His eye sight is a little messy because the swelling in that area so I hope that will clear up. He's not having any phone conversation right now, I'm sure that would be difficult and frustrating but hopefully soon.

Really, things couldn't have gone better for his surgery. Praise God!!

Love,
Michele

2005-02-12T13:53:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday, the day after Scott's surgery. You've already received Dave's
email (thank you very much Dave!) so now I'll fill in the details.

Yesterday, it took about 6 hours from the time they wheeled him away from me
until the time his surgeon came out to give us a report. Unlike the past, this
time Dr. Chandler took us into a private room to give us his end of surgery
report. That was nerve racking but I was very hopeful. The first thing he said
was that the morning MRI showed more strong growth in the tumors since his MRI
two weeks ago. Booooo! Then he said they worked very hard to get as much of it
out as possible and that Scott has a very large hole in his brain now. They
stopped cutting when they could see healthy brain fibers mixed with tumor. He
hopes the remaining tumor area is small but we won't know for sure until Sunday
or Monday, following his MRI today. Then he shared the best news. He said he
expected Scott to come out of the surgery mute, but coming out of his anesthesia
he was thanking the doctors and nurses and asking about the time. Hallelujah!
That was a very good sign.

Talking with him later and today, it's clear that he's been saved from the very
high risk of severe brain damage. One more hallelujah! I don't know anything
about his reading or writing but at this point I can say his comprehention seems
to be only a little worse than it was going in. His speaking ability is worse
but that's the area where I know we can get improvements through therapy.
Yesterday, he was trying to talk a lot while he was in recovery, I finally had
to leave so he would rest. Before I left, he was telling me that he loves the
Lord, he loves me, and Josephine and . . . oh, did I forget to tell you? He
was also talking about his SON, who is due in July. We found out last week that
we're having a little boy! He asked about his family and friends and wanted me
to read to him from the bible but he was falling asleep and needed to rest.
Today, he's sleeping a lot and is very groggy while he's awake but he keeps
asking me if he's ok. I'm assuring him that he's much better than OK!

We've just made it through one leg of our most recent race and it could have
turned out very bad. But we have the God of the Universe on our side and the
prayers and love of so many people from here and around the world. It's true.
We love you all so much.

I'll keep you posted. At this point please don't try to call him or visit at
the hospital because he need his rest to recover. Thanks.

Love,
Michele

2005-02-11T22:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends and Family of Scott and Michele,

Great news! Scott came out of his surgery thanking his doctors, and when he saw Michele, he called her by name and was asking her, "Am I OK?"

Michele asked me to get a quick message out to the ScooterScoop gang saying that so far everything seems very good. She plans on sending out the details on Saturday, but the bottom line is that they took out a lot of tumor and Scott is still able to communicate! Praise God!

Michele sounded somewhere between ecstatic and very, very relieved when we talked. No surprise there! In all of this she has been amazingly strong in her faith which has sustained her so much through the last year. Keep praying for her as well as Scott. There's still a lot ahead of them both.

More later. Thank you all for your prayers and support for Scott and Michele. Many Blessings to you all.

David Schuman

2005-02-09T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends -
I just sent out an email to everyone explaining the hopes and dangers of
Scott's surgery on Friday. We need to get people together for praise and
prayer on Thursday night. We want it to be a time of joyful singing and
celebrating the love of our Lord. We don't want it be a sorrowful time
because it should't be, we have so much to be thankful for! We know this
is serious surgery but it's important that we send Scott into surgery the
next morning with a joyful song in his heart, profound love for Jesus
Christ, and peace that passes understanding. We will do that by lifting
our voices and praising God! Please join us if you can.

Thursday, February 10
7PM
Our House: Call for detail and directions
773-227-3048

Thanks,
Michele

2005-02-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

First, we are praising God because two months ago they never thought Scott would be doing as well as he is today. So we know that by a miracle or through the help of his recent chemo, the tumors in Scott's head have slowed down their extremely fast growth.

Next, Scott wants to again express how deeply he is touched by all of you following along our journey and encouraging us.

Unfortunately, here is the very serious and frightening news. Yesterday (Monday), we met with Scott's surgeon to talk about the most recent MRI he had for mapping his language areas, called a functional MRI. They weren't able to get very good information from that test, probably because Scott didn't understand the directions. His surgeon was surprised to find out that doctor who conducted the functional MRI also performed a standard MRI. They are glad he did because it gave his surgeon important information that we would not have discovered until later. The MRI is showing continued tumor growth. Not at the original pace but at a rate fast enough that if it continues it will take Scotts life in a month or two. He and I have noticed over the past three weeks, as you've read in my emails, that his language skills have been declining and now we have confirmation that it's because the tumors are growing into very critical areas of his brain.

They have given us the option of surgery but it carries a very heavy risk. Dr. Chandler would remove a large portion of the tumor and there is about a 40% chance that it will cause permanent irreversible brain damage. Scott would no longer be able to understand our words, or speak any of his own, be able to read or write or communicate language in any other form. In this case he would probably live 3-4 months but it will be a miserable existence. There is about a 60% chance that he will come out of the surgery without further damage. He would then get gamma knife radiation surgery to the remaining small portion of tumor followed by chemotherapy. Our best hope in this situation is that it will be effective and his life expectancy could be 6 months to a year.

There are no "good" options but we've decided to risk the surgery which will happen this Friday at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. We won't know if there is any permanent brain damage for 3 to 4 days, since it takes a bit for the brain to recover from the surgery.

This was such a hard decision knowing that after Friday, Scott could cease to exist as we know him, but it seems worth the risk to prolong his life and most importantly we continue to believe that God has a miracle of healing coming for Scott. As foolish as that may sound to some, we are refusing to accept the negative outcomes for Scott and truly believe that God will rescue him. We have so much to do over the next few days to prepare for what lies ahead, most importantly we will continue "LIVING" and enjoying our growing family. We'll be getting lots of prayer and continue to ask all of you to intercede on our behalf for a miracle for Scott.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning so we can get a good look at our baby to come. We're so excited about that and finding out the sex of the baby! We'll let you know as soon as possible what we find out. In case you didn't already know, I'm due in July, just a week before Josephine's second birthday.

A note about ways to help us. Over the past year many people have come to help us in so many ways. We are so so grateful. It has been a huge blessing to receive meals and help around the house. Also thank you to those of you who have provided us with loving care for our daughter Josephine. If any of you would like to help with meals or cleaning, (sorry, it's kinda the dirty work) I'll give you the names of the two wonderful women who are coordinating that for us. We are so lucky to have a great nanny for Josephine and a number of others who have volunteered to help with her so we have the fun part covered. And let me tell you, she is becoming a very silly fun little girl! God bless her. Named after her dada. That was a great choice! She keeps the two of us laughing and full of kisses and what she calls the "b-hugs", that's "big hugs" to you and me. Ok, so back to the two contacts for help:
Meals
Gretchen Flores
email: gretchen_flores@comcast.net
phone: 303-319-0234

Cleaning
Kristin Stuck
email: jkandastuck@aol.com
phone: 847-864-4495

Love,
Michele and Scott

2005-02-06T14:41:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends -
We have lots of appointments and some big decisions next week so we'll get an update out during the next week. Stay tuned.

Love,
Michele and Scott

2005-01-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Friday Update 1/28/05

Thanks to all those who came last night and prayed with us and thanks to all the rest of you who can't be here but are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We really needed it! For today, we feel restored and our hope is renewed. That is so often the case, when others come to pray.

The last two weeks we haven't seen any real progress for Scott and at times it does seem like things might be getting worse. Although our faith in God is strong, our hearts get heavy when he's struggling. His doctors don't seem too worried about the lack of progress but we hoped for better. He had his functional MRI today, which will tell us if more surgery could be a possibility, but we won't get the results until later next week. Regardless, in 10 days he'll be getting his regular monthly MRI and that will tell us more about what's happening with the tumors.

On another note, I'm very happy to report that we have a childcare provider for Josepine who is here three days a week. Her name is Quinn and Josephine absolutely adores her! We think she's wonderful too. I knew everything was going to be great the second day Quinn was here. Instead of crying when Scott and I left for his appointments, Josephine was blowing us kisses and waving goodbye. What a blessing!

Blessings to all of you!

Love,
Michele and Scott

2005-01-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

Friday Update

I'm going to try and give regular Friday updates rather than waiting until some event has happened. Right now, we know that Scott is doing much better than the doctors thought so we call that our miracle but we are also very aware that we are a long way from being "in the clear". We haven't got out of the woods yet.

We recently saw Scott's neurosurgeon who was genuinely surprised at the improvements Scott has made in his language. His feeling about the tumor death is that it could be from the rapid growth which will cause it to starve itself of blood supply and dye in the center. No matter what, he's encouraged that the tumor has slowed down so much. He scheduled Scott for a "functional" MRI next week Friday. This is an MRI that actually maps the parts of the brain that Scott is using for language. They do this by asking Scott questions while watching his brain light up in the areas that are being used. Dr. Chandler thinks there is a possibility that Scott's language areas might be far enough away from the tumors that he could surgically remove some or all of the tumors. It's just a small possibility but it sounds good to us.

This past week was much harder than expected. Scott's been very tired and fatigue always effects his language abilities. That's scary because I wonder, "Is it just fatigue or is it tumor causing his difficulties?". In the last few days things have started to really improve, he's less tired and his language is getting better. We believe now that he was just getting over a cold. Wheeeeeew!

We have also started speech therapy. I say "we" because speech rehabilitation is completely a team effort. We went twice this week and will continue to go 2 to 3 times a week for a long long time. It was really surprising for me because I discovered that I was doing a very good job learning how to adapt to and interpret Scott's way of communicating. So good in fact that I wasn't aware just how many common words he's lost from his vocabulary and although he can find ways to communicate without them, it makes him a little hard to understand unless you're use to listening to him. More importantly, it makes it very hard for him to understand others who are constantly using words he doesn't know anymore. We are also working on speed and fluency in reading and writing. The speech therapist is great! She is so kind and patient. We have complete confidence that she's going to help us find tools and techniques to bringing back everything he's lost. It's just going to take time and work.

I'm so proud of Scott. This is hard stuff, humbling stuff, and he's my hero in every respect. I couldn't dream of a better teammate. Somehow, in all of this, he finds a way to continue to be the supportive loving husband and adoring father to Josephine. She's such a lucky girl to have a father like Scott. One of his strongest motivations in speech therapy is to be able to read to Josephine her silly children's books again with the expressions, rythm, and enthusiasm he once did. He was so good at that and he will be again.

Now for an annoucement on prayer nights:
Since this adventure began we've been having occasional prayer nights at our house. We wanted to announce the next two nights and invite anyone to come who would like to. We usually sing some worship songs and then spend some time praying. It's very casual. Your children are certainly welcome. We start at 7PM. Here's the dates.
Thursday, January 27th
Tuesday, February 1st
You can let us know you're coming or just show up.
1751 N. Talman Ave.
Chicago, IL 60647

Thanks for all the love and support!!
Michele, Scott, and Josephine

2005-01-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone -

This time I'm going to try and just give you the facts so Scott can elaborate on them later. He's been desperate to send out an email for himself. He's worried that you all might believe I have to do all his speaking and thinking for him - - that's not true.

As you know, 5 weeks ago, Scott had two grand mal seizures that led to the discovery of 3 very aggressive new tumors. Given their location and extremely fast growth, it is true to say that none of Scott's doctors would be surprised if even right now he were in his last days, but he's not! The best hope the doctors could offer was to try and slow this thing down with a marginally effective older chemo. We know that the best chance he has at beating this is going to be a miracle from the Lord. That's where all our hope rests.

Today, January 11th, 5 weeks later, Scott's language abilities have really shown improvement and he's getting better at reading! He very rarely has any small seizures. He may have had one while we were in CO, but that seemed to be the result of exhaustion.

Today, he also had his MRI and overall we have very exciting news! The down side is it seems that the tumors have shown some growth, but not anywhere close to the rate they were growing 5 weeks ago. If they had continued at that pace, he might not be here now. The really exciting news, which we could tell has kind of baffled his doctor, is that the largest tumor is showing definite signs of death in the middle. We saw it for ourselves on his MRI and it's amazing, it's clearly dieing inside! With brain tumors, the best they ever hope for is to halt the growth but death of the tumor is a really unusual thing, especially given the agressive nature of this recent tumor. Remember, his surgeon said he 's almost never seen a tumor grow this quickly in 20 years. Now it seems to suddenly be dieing!! That's miraculous. We're so excited about this news.

We are praising God and so thankful to all of you for your thoughts and prayers. Please pray that this tumor will continue to die and any new growth would stop. Scott also received his next chemo treatment today and is very tired as a side effect. He'll have another MRI and chemo treatment in 4 weeks.

Blessing to you,
The Grays

2005-01-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

We know that the most pressing question on everyones mind is about Scott’s health but before we get into that, we are so excited to share one of the most amazing stories. This story has encouraged us and filled us with hope these last couple weeks.

A few weeks ago we received an exciting phone call from my father who wanted to share with us what had just happened to him. This came only 2 weeks after Scott’s hospitalization and I could tell right away that my dad was joyful about something. It was great to hear his joy because I know the deep burden my father carries for us and how hard that can be for him.

He proceeded to tell me that a few days earlier he wanted to surprise my mother by replacing the kitchen sink while she was at work. This is something she’s been wanting for a long time. He said to me, “Meesh(that’s what he calls me), I’m too old to do this kind of stuff myself and I don’t have any friends who can do it.” So, he reluctantly turned to a local newspaperto find a plumber. If you knew my father’s histor with tradesmen he found in the newspaper you would understand why he was reluctant. He picked a number, called, and to his surprise a man answered and said he would be right over. Not sure if this was a good or bad sign, he told me, “we’ll just see what kind of characters show up this time.” Within, what seemed like only a few minutes, the doorbell rang and two plumbers were at the door. It was a father and son team, Raymond and Abraham.

Immediately my father noticed the older mans British accent and asked him where he was from. The man said that he was originally from England but was diagnosed with a brain tumor and moved seeking treatment. As things got worse for him, the doctors had little to offer. Then he said, "but I was healed by God and now I'm cancer free."

My father could hardly believe what he was hearing! He told them that Scott, his own son-in-law is battling brain cancer and things are not so good right now. This plumbers response was simply, “Can we pray for him?” My dad agreed and to his surprise these two plumbers got down on their knees on my parents kitchen floor and started to cry out to God. They asked for God to heal him, praying for God to “heal his servant”. It’s so precious because my dad had told them nothing about Scott. What my dad said next touched us so deeply. He said, “Meshe, when they started praying, I felt the presence of God!” I have never heard him say anything like that before and I knew without a dought that it was true, God was there and making Himself known, not just for my father but for Scott and me and all of you.

When these plumbers finished praying they got to work, no discussion needed. Then my dad said that over the next 4 hours as they worked on the kitchen sink, many more times, they stopped what they were doing, got on their knees, and began praying for Scott again. You could only imagine the emotions my dad was feeling, but best of all he said he felt filled with hope and joy. So do we.

So they finished the job, presented my dad with the bill and it was much less than he expected - - another small miracle! I love that. He even asked them if they had charged him enough. They said yes, and asked him to pass on their card if he knows anyone who needs a plumber. I think it read something like, “Angels Plumbing, 777 Heaven’s Way, Anywhere, Earth” Ok, that last part is a joke but we still occasionally wonder, could they be angels?

I'll send another email to give you our most recent update on Scott's health.

2004-12-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

December 20, 2004

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since the initial seizures that led to the discovery of a new large tumor. I'm happy to say he's come a long way since then and made great improvements in his language abilities. It's not consistent daily improvement. Some days seem harder than others but on a whole he's doing much better. Understanding language and speaking are better but when he' tired it's a stuggle. Reading and writing are still difficult. Also, in the last letter, I wrote about these "little seizures" he was having. I know many people have been praying about that and I'm happy to say that over the last week he's only has one that we are aware of. Yeah!

Scott's spirits and hope are way up!! We believe in miracles and are praying that Jesus will heal him. Recently, we've came into contact with two people who had brain tumors, one almost the exact same scenario as Scott's (same location, surgeon, and everything) and they have both said that they have been "healed" by God. They both came to the extreme point where medicine had very little to offer them and they said that God healed them through prayer. Scott and I are believing and praying for the same thing. It's funny how humble Scott is. He doesn't feel like God owes him this, that he's earned it, or deserves it. He's says, "I'm just this little dork and the Lord's been so good to let me experience all the blessing the Holy Spirit is pouring out on people. I want to serve him more." We continue to receive stories from friends and others who have been encouraged in many ways through the struggle we're going through. Hearing the ways people are touched has brought purpose to all of this. Scott's really looking forward to giving you an update himself. We'll work together to make it happen as soon as we can.

We've given you our spiritual perspective on battling this cancer but I think it's fair for you to also know the medical perspective on what Scott's dealing with. This most recent tumor, which is right in the area of his language center, grew from nothing at all to 3cm in only 3 weeks. His surgeon told us he's hardly seen a faster growing tumor in 20 years. Scott was on a chemo at the time of it's growth. They say this tumor really can't afford any growing room. If it doubles, that's it. There are two other smaller tumors also in areas where they can't be removed but their biggest concern is the larger tumor. They hope this recent chemo, which is one of the older generations, will be able to halt it's growth. Given that information, we can't help but to hold onto our joy and hope for a miracle.

For the holidays, we are sticking to our original plan, which is to go to Colorado and visit with our many friends and family there. From Colorado we will fly to Arizona and spend some time with Scott's mom and dad. I can't wait to get there and be in the warmer weather! We hope you too have a wonderful holiday full of joy, hope, family and friends!

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!

Love,
Michele

2004-12-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Scott started a new IV chemo on Monday that he will get every 4 weeks. It only took a couple hours and so far his side effects aren't bad. He's feeling very tired but his language ability is getting a little better. His is still experiencing what seems to be very small seizures although he is on high doses of two seizure medications. He is also taking 8 different meds acouple times every day and that's making him tired. We know we are constantly wrapped in prayer and love. That is boosting our confidence and we are holding onto hope for a miracle. There is no other way for us to believe. Until God says this fight is over, it IS NOT over. Scott feels this way and expresses it the best he can.

Many of you are wondering about helping with meals. Our friend Gretchen Flores is coodinating that for us. Her email is gretchen_flores@comcast.net or her number is 1-847-328-7148 or cell 847-347-0438. Thanks Gretchen!!

Thank you so much for your offers to help with childcare. I'm plugging people in here and there but still taking leads on full time paid sitters.

Michele

2004-12-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

Scott is home and we are all so happy about that! He is having great difficulty with language, which is more complex than many people realize. It's hard for him to understand many of the words we are saying and in turn he also can't locate words to express himself very well. He can't really read or write. All his memories are in tact. Please keep him in prayer for the frustration he is experiencing right now. Pray for more good times and fun with Josephine and his family.

You all know that Scott is a man of God. His hearts greatest desire is to love and serve our Lord and throughout this ordeal God has used him to bless many many people. In the past he's shared love and encouragement with fellow patients on his neurology floor as he walked room-to-room getting to know them. Immediately after his most recent brain surgery, he prayed openly for scared young many next to him in the recovery room. (On Thursday, his neuro-surgeon told us the staff in surgical recover still talks about that.) We've held hands with nurses and prayed for their children. And I know that many of you have also been touched by God through Scott.

I'd like to share with you the latest reminder that God is still near to him, surrounding him, and using Scott to bless others. On Friday, Scott was transported to a room at Northwestern hospital. As I walked down the hall to see him in his room, his nurse met me halfway. Her eyes were red with tears and she apologized to me for crying. She explained that she's been doing this job for 25 years and caring for patients in Scott's condition is nothing unusual to her. She couldn't contain her tears because when she entered his room she felt such a powerful overwhelming feeling in her soul. I smiled because I knew, without question, that she felt the presence of God and God is powerful. She said she communicated with him a bit, the best she could, but had to excuse herself because she was so "touched" and couldn't control her emotions. She wasn't saying she felt pity for Scott, she just felt overwhelmed by the presence in his room. I thanked her for sharing that with me because it was a comfort to know God is surrounding Scott and still using him, even with very few words, to bless others.

The other blessing I would like to share with all of you is we are expecting another child in July! He and I are SO excited about having another child. A brother or sister for Josephine!

God bless you for your love and prayers!

Michele

2004-12-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

Last week Scott was having some difficulties with speaking and understanding. On Thursday he had a sharp decline in his ability to speak and came to me in a panic. I immediately took him to doctors at Northwestern and he had an MRI. To everyone's shock, even his doctors, they discovered a brand new very large tumor in the middle of his language center. The tumor was surrounding by swelling, which is typical. As the hours past he regained a great deal of his ability to speak and understand so we went home with a prescription for steroids to help with the swelling.

Not long after we got home, Scott had a grand mal seizure on our kitchen floor. Luckily he wasn't injured from the seizure because it came on while we were embraced, slow dancing. My arms were perfectly placed to get him to the floor with the some help from his mother. The paramedics took him to a local ER and there he had another grand mal. That night he couldn't speak at all.

The next day he was transported to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where he is now under the care of his regular oncologist and neuro-surgeon. They have him on heavy anti-seizure medication, which makes him very tired, and steroids to reduce the swelling. His ability to understand and speak is improving but it's not good. He is very tired but we hope to go home tomorrow or the next day.

This new tumor cannot be removed without permanent brain damage, so our next step is another chemo. They don't expect him to fully recover his language abilities but things could improve for a while.

At this point it's not a good idea to call and speak with him and I wouldn't suggest coming to see him unless you speak with me first. After we get home, call if you want to come and see him and I'll let you know if it will work out.

Sorry my note is so dry. I'm a bit exhausted. As Dave said in his previous letter, we are looking for help with Josephine so I can be a constant help to Scott. Here are some ways to reach me.

Home: 773-227-3048 (best)
Mobile: 773-415-2870

Thanks so much for all your love, prayers, and concern. I'll try and update again soon.

Michele

2004-12-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends of Scott and Michele,

Tonight’s news is of the serious variety. Scott has had one or two seizures caused by a newly formed tumor in his brain. The seizures happened yesterday (Thursday), and I’m not sure of the exact details, but I believe the new tumor was discovered today.

Scott has been admitted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital here in Chicago and will probably be there for some time undergoing tests and hopefully some new therapies. Michele will be spending a lot of time with him there, so one practical request is for some help with child care for Josephine. Michele has asked if there is someone who can look after her for 3 or 4 days a week for 8 hours a day or so. They’re willing to pay—probably around $8/hr. If someone has the time (for instance a student with time off) and is willing, please contact us at ScooterScoop. Please write “Child Care” in the subject line so we can track your messages more easily.

For those of you in Chicagoland, it’s OK to visit Scott at Northwestern, but it’s important to know that the new tumor has affected his communication ability. It’s difficult for him to speak and it takes him a while to understand those speaking to him. Be patient; be encouraging; give him lots of love. He’s admitted as Joseph Scott Gray, and he’s in Room 1122.

Finally, as we all know, Scott is a man of great faith. This is not a time to be depressed and feel defeated. It is a time to pray. Many of us are praying for his healing, but pray however you feel led. Scott knows his life is in the hands of Almighty God, and no matter what happens, he would say, and want us to say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

David Schuman
ScooterScoop

2004-11-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to let you know my while blood cell count is approved and I'm leaving for the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, MD today. I'll start my introduction into the new chemotherapy tomorrow, be monitored, and then sent home Friday morning.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers!

Scott

2004-11-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all our friends! Thank you so much for all of your love and prayers. You have no idea how much you encourage me in so many ways. Thanks!

I went to the National Cancer Institute this week in order to receive my physicals and start in with a new chemotherapy treatment which looks quite optimistic. Unfortunately I was put on hold because my white blood cell counts were too low to qualify for starting treatment. It appears I've been struggling against some sort of infection that bothered my throat a week ago and now I'm too vulnerable (not that I feel it) so they sent me home.

Monday I'm going to get another blood test in Chicago, and hopefully everything will look recovered then. If so, NCI will immediately fly me back to their hospital in Bethesda, MD and I'll start in with the experimental chemotherapy application right away.

The bottom line is that recognizing the recent tumor growth and resulting surgery, I just need to start with some form of protection that will stop anything else from growing. Any new growths that appear and grow as quickly as the last did could be quite dangerous. Please pray that God himself will move to bring me healing and not allow anything else to grow!

Despite all the struggles and a few tears every once in awhile I just want you to know I'm still doing well. I have a choice every day whether to be discouraged with everything going on or to enjoy and experience everything God continues to bless me with in this life. It ends up not being a hard decision! No matter what happens, I find myself wanting to value each and every day for all it's worth. I just want to let you know, that I really believe that this strength and encouragement I so often live in has a lot to do with YOUR love, friendship and prayers. I pray each of you will experience the Lord's blessing as well, it's great!

Scott

2004-10-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

October 28, 2004

It’s been a little over two weeks since Scott’s surgery. He is still recovering but doing great. Every day gets better. Basically, he needs a little extra sleep, sometimes he has a headache and at times it’s somewhat difficult to focus. These are all very common while recovering from brain surgery and are expected to go away. Other than that, he’s driving, working, exercising, and eating well.

We returned yesterday from our trip out to the National Cancer Institute (NCI). We met with Dr. Fine, the head of the neuro-oncology division and discussed clinical trials for Scott. The great thing about Dr. Fine is he’s well versed in almost all the clinical trials going on across the US for brain tumors. There are two good trials for Scott and we will make a final decision over the next couple days. We’re hopeful that this next clinical trial will have a greater impact on the tumor. The doctors are concerned that any new tumors have the potential to grow as fast or faster than the last one. We’ll let you know more when our final decision is made.

We continue to thank God for all of you. We know you are loving us and caring for us and praying for us though this.

Michele

2004-10-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

It's Michele and I just finished visiting with Scott in the recovery area after his surgery. The surgeon, Dr. Chandler, said everything went very well! It didn't take as long as last time and the surgery was much less intense because the tumor was located on the exterior portion of his brain.

From half way down the hall, on my way to see him, I could hear him talking loudly to a young man in the recovery area next to him. He was giving him some encouragement because the joung man woke from his surgery in a lot of pain and very scared. That's my Scott! Always talkative, encouraging others and praying for others. When I saw him I couldn't believe how great he looked. He was feeling some pain and headache but he was very alert. Thank you all for keeping him in prayer. It's certainly working.

They are transfering him to the ICU now and in the morning he'll be on the neurology floor. He may even be able to go home tomorrow night! It depends on how he feels but it is a possibility.

We are heading out to the National Cancer Institute for an appointment on the 27th of October. Between now and then I'm sure his recovery will go well.

Thanks again for all your love and support.

Michele

2004-10-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hi! It's Michele

Many of you are wondering what you can do for Scott (or us) right now. Most of you still remember our request from this past February when we were completely overwhelmed and asked everyone to hold back their phone calls. At that timewe had mountains of questions and still very few answers. Things were moving forward so fast with surgery, treatments options and second opinions, ourheads were spinning and we were desperate for rest. Thank you for helping us out but now things are very different. We have a better understanding of what we are dealing with and we have confidence that Scott is in the care of excellentphysicians. Things no longer feel chaotic and we really enjoy hearing from you. Even with brain surgery coming up, he’s been through it once before, so we know what to expect. What we are feeling is disappointment that the cancer isgrowing again but we’re hopeful that this will bring Scott to the right treatment.
At this point, one of the best things you can do is continue to send Scott your love, humor, support, and prayers. Please feel free to do this through phone calls, emails, and letters. I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to us over the months hearing from so many of you. Just knowing that you continue to keep us in your hearts and prayers gives us strength.

Thank you so much!

Michele Gray

2004-10-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thursday, October 07, 2004

It’s been a while since you’ve heard an update from the Grays. Quite honestly, over the past few months, we haven’t been very good at responding to our email on “scooterscoop”. It’s been a lovely busy summer and Scott’s been working hard and enjoying time with me and our active growing daughter. What a joy!!

Scott had his most recent MRI today and it wasn’t the news we wanted to hear. The tumor is growing. This means that his chemo is no longer effective so he will most likely enroll in one of the very promising clinical trials available at the National Cancer Institute in Maryland. But first Scott is scheduled for another surgery on Tuesday to remove the growing area that is about the size of a dime. We are very fortunate that the growth is again in an area where it can be removed safely. The tumor is very close (only millimeters) away from some very important memory and language areas of the brain. It is a blessing that it was discovered in time to remove it!

This is short notice but please pass along the word and pray for us that the surgery will go well on Tuesday. The first night he will be in the ICU and then he’ll be moved the next day to the neurology floor for another day or two. He will be at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago. Also, if you try to reach him or send something over, Scott’s legal name is Joseph Scott Gray. Last time many people were frustrated because the hospital had no record of a Scott Gray. I will do my best to keep you updated.

Thank You and God Bless You,
Michele, Scott and Josephine

2004-08-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!
We have good news again from our last adventure to see our Doctors and visit the National Cancer Institute in Bethesday, MD. On August 12th I had my most recent MRI exam and the feedback from everyone was very positive. They see no growth in the tumor cells and I'm recovering very well from the surgery. Our Doctor at the NCI said, "everything is looking nice and clean. I don't know why you're here to see me. Oh yeah, you have this big hole in your head!" We laughed pretty good and in general feel optimistic that in the long run we'll continue to receive good reports. Right now, we just need to receive a good report every other month through the end of my chemo treatments, which will end in a year to two years, to keep my Doctors confident.

Well, that's the basic news for now. Please pray for the good news to continue and that I'll be able to handle the chemo treatments better every month. They really knock the wind out of me for a few days.

Thank you again for all of your prayers, love and support. God has really shown me his love through each and every one you. You mean a lot!

Scott

2004-08-15T23:54:00.000-07:00

It’s Michele, the wife. I thought I would try my hand at another (not so) brief update.

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 6 months since Scott had the seizure that set us on this crazy journey. It seems we’ve been in constant motion with little time to rest.

But now I’m happy to report we have just come back from a much needed vacation! Last week Scott, Josephine and I flew out to Denver, Colorado to visit with friends and family. We made sure to alert most of our friends ahead of time that we didn’t want to spend our vacation talking about Scott’s brain cancer, we get enough of that at home. We planned to focus our time relaxing, catching up with friends, and having fun with our daughter. And for the most part, we did just that and had a wonderful time!

There were two other bits that made this Gray family excursion extra special. One, Scott’s hair has suddenly made a great come back. If you don’t recall, the radiation had left him with a kind of misshapen “hair beanie”. They told us not to expect his hair to return until next year, if at all, so I’ve been using a clipper to cut it as short as possible but not shaved clean. He’s been constantly wearing a hat to protect his scalp and cover the odd looking hair style but suddenly most of his hair has returned! I’m still cutting it as short as possible as it continues to fill in. I’ve really become accustomed to his “buzzed” look. That’s too mild. To tell you the truth, I think Scott is a total babe with his goatee and buzzed scalp. Yep, that’s right, he’s a hottie and he’s mine. The second thing we are grateful for is Scott’s doctor gave him the “OK” to drive again, beginning on our vacation to Colorado. YIPPEE! We are all so glad that he has that aspect of his independence back.

So, tomorrow he have the next MRI and follow-up appointments with his neuro-surgeon and neuro-oncologist to review his progress. We are also flying out tomorrow night for Maryland to see the neuro-oncologist at the National Institute of Health. At the NIH they will inform us of the latest developments in brain cancer treatment and review Scott’s progress as well. The doc there is very encouraging and optimistic and will continue to work in conjunction with Scott’s docs here to give him the best care available. All good stuff.

Please continue to pray for him and us. I assure you that your prayers are received by God and felt by us. We are daily lifted up and sustained. There have been countless times when I’ve felt that all I could hang onto were the prayers of others and then, so soon after, God answered and I was back on my feet again. Thank you and bless you!

2004-07-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

It's been an interesting month as I've gone through a different procedure of chemotherapy. I thought everything would kind of sort itself out on a time basis but I've felt like my experience has been more like a random roll of the dice!

The program is a 28 day system lined out like this:

1st Five Days - 400mg of Temodar (a huge increase from the daily 150mg dose I took during radiation.)

Next 23 Days - No doses!

Now here's the tricky part. I'd thought the first five days would be tough and then everything would smooth out after that. Kinda. The first three days are OK, but the next five or six days after that are quite rough. At this point I need to sleep a LOT and have had a somewhat upset tummy (although I haven't had that overcome me yet!) I do start to feel generally better about 3 - 4 days after I take the chemo.

During this next period however, it seems to be a random and not sequential improvement in my symptoms from the chemo ingestion days (and the few days after) that I thought it would be. Some days are great, some I'm just sleepy where I have to sleep MOST of the day, and others I'm hanging in there without a normal pile of energy but am able to get some work done anyway. Nausea comes generally in the evening so I don't eat much at dinner time every night but sometimes I do.

Well, that's kind of a general outline of my story at the moment. Not very consistent is it! I'm hoping and praying this month will go easier than last. I start my next 28 days tonight!

Thank you to everyone for your continued love, support and prayers. I know you are praying for me, my family and my healing and I am so grateful. Hooya! You mean so much to me and I'm certainly humbled before God because of you. The LORD is good. Thank you!

Scott

2004-06-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

I had my first MRI yesterday after the six weeks of combined radiation and chemotherapy treatments and both my Neurosurgeon and Neuro-Oncologist said, "That looks really good!" In general, the MRI at this point is used to establish a baseline for comparison with future MRI's every two to three months, but the fact that this one exhibits less swelling and possibly even tumor non-growth or reduction is absolutely wonderful. Please keep me in your prayers, they're having an impact!

Overall, things are just much better than predicted. Last week and this week were supposed to be the most difficult with the side effects from radiation, but I'm really stronger, altert and more active than most. (I'm still working out and I think it really helps.) Additionally, my chemo treatments will now be suspended for two weeks and then I'll have them only the first five of every 28 days. With that reduction I'll be feeling even better.

I'm excited about spending more time with my family, rather than sleeping, and getting more involved with my customers again. I'm also interested in putting together a class for the Fall reviewing the claims of "The Da Vinci Code". Now that I'm done with seminary I need to pass along a few things I learned!

PRAYER REQUEST

Thanks again to everyone for their love, support and prayers. I really believe in my heart that all of your support boosts my spirit in ways that really strengthens me and consequently my body. I'm learning more every day how God uses people to bring us stregnth and healing and it really means a lot. If you can, please continue your prayers for the next 10 weeks until my next MRI because that one will be an important confirmation that everything is moving in the right direction.

God Bless everyone of you!

Scott & Michele

2004-05-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

Here's a note to brief you on the details of my treatment right now. I appreciate how so many of you have asked me to fill them in. On the other hand, I know not everyone is interested in ALL of the particulars, so I’m going to write a couple of short sections. Feel free to read or pass over each of them.

Treatment Details: After all of the constant doctor visits, I’m now in the midst of radiation on Monday through Friday at Northwestern Memorial. The overall medicine schedule goes like this:
9:00AM or so Simple workout at least twice a week
10:30AM Anti-seizure medication and laxative
11:30AM Mon and Thursday leave for acupuncture, return home for my ride to treatment by 2:45
2:15PM Food Fast
2:45PM Anti-nausea pill
3:15PM Chemotherapy pills
4:15PM Radiation treatment, 25 minutes
5:30PM or so Light snack to help settle my stomach
6:00PM to 8:00PM or so a long nap. I generally tend to have a slightly upset stomach and fatigue after the radiation so it really is necessary to sleep a bit.

Schedule: It’s kind of hard to comprehend, but this schedule practically takes up my whole day when you include all of the driving that needs to be done. Just the radiation with the driving every day takes three to four hours. Sheesh! If only I could drive it myself that would be nice but I’m not allowed to drive for awhile. I find it hard to see all the time stress on Michele because all of this takes hours out of her and Josephine’s day too. I never dreamed someone going through something like this would have their family so time stressed. It's hard to comprehend.

The Future: The good news is that I only need to get the radiation through next week and I will be done for life because my limit will be full. Radiation in your body does not decrease and all of what I’ve received will be with me forever hopefully working effectively on the cancer. I’ve been told by my Doctor that the six to eight weeks after the last treatment are the toughest as my body attempts to adjust to the maximum dosage I can have without guaranteed damage. The basic story is that I’ll be very tired and will sleep constantly. Hopefully I will recover soon and my life will get back to normal. The big hope is that in three months I will have another MRI exam and it will show that the cancer is no longer duplicating within my body. If that is the case I will receive further chemo and MRI exams every three months for at least two years. After that they will be confident and scale back on the number of quarterly exams.
So there we have the basics! Please pray that my body will do much better than even the Doctors would hope for and that I will recover quickly from my radiation and that I will suffer no long term effects from it. Of course, please also pray for my complete healing from the cancer.

Thank you again to everyone for supporting me so much. I really appreciate you and loved seeing so many wonderful people (who didn't have previous engagements) at my graduation party.

Scott

2004-05-04T16:34:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone!

Just a reminder to the Chicago folks that this Sat is my graduation party at 1751 N. Talman from 6-9pm. Please no gifts, we'd just like to hang out! Know that you're welcome to bring your children.

In today’s email I would just like to throw out a couple of stories. In the next few days I’ll also try to give you more details about my condition, etc.

I just want to let you all know I think about you with thankfulness and a huge dose of humility everyday. It’s hard to describe the incredible gratefulness and strength I have because of your encouragement, gifts, the time that so many of you are spending for us, and the prayer that I’m receiving from so many people all across the country in various churches, synagogues and various spiritual pursuits. It’s bringing me so much courage to face this thing head on! I know in my heart that I have a rough experiential road ahead for the short term, but in the long term I just feel confident everything will work out for the best. God is with me!

A few of you know that I’m still trying to get a light workout in at least a couple of times a week. My doctor actually encourages it because it energizes my systems and helps to fight the tiredness that comes with radiation treatment. The best part for me is that I’ve actually lost a few pounds overall but also gained better strength and muscle. It’s about time! An old pole vaulter friend of mine from my high school and college days (I vaulted at Colorado State) thought about it for a second and thought, “Gee, I bet he’s hoping he’s getting close to vault weight again!” The funny thing is – I actually thought that. Once a vaulter, always a vaulter! (The amazing thing is that my friend and his brother are actually world class jumpers in the over 40 age group. It's awesome to watch 'em jump.)

As far as my physical feelings generally go, it’s kind of all over the map. One day is great; another day is uncomfortable with slight to medium discomfort with nausea and heavy tiredness. Regardless of the risk, I decided to roll the dice and travel to a work related small conference in Miami, FL last week where I met up with my brother and Dad. Virtually all of our important customers were there and boy I’m really glad I went. It was like we were able to get in three months of travel and meetings in just a couple of days and I felt really great the whole time. It just felt good to be back in the loop, although I slept quite a bit when I got home. I was also very grateful for a good number of my customers who talked with me quite awhile and let me know they were seriously praying for me.

Another interesting part of this whole thing is that I’m starting to lose the hair on the left and right sides of my head near the temple. I haven’t had a haircut in weeks because I knew I’d lose some of my lovely hair. Now the whole head thing is starting to look funny with long but still decent hair on top with largely absent hair on the right and left. It’s not all that dramatic yet but, ya know. I’ve grown a mustache and goatee to serve as a replacement, but I still need to do something with that garden up top. Here’s where it gets weird. I’ve been looking around on the street and have noticed HUGE numbers of YOUNG guys running around with either shaved or buzzed heads. I guess this appears to be a forced imposition on my hair at this point, but am I really a young guy still? People often have difficulty guessing within ten years of my actual age, but what is this buzzed head going to do to me? Make me look younger? Sheesh, I dropped out of NROTC in my college days partially because everyone thought such a buzzed head was an import directly out of geeksville. Now I’m just too old to appreciate the glory of contemporary style, but have to go for it anyway. Yikes. Anyone interested in enjoying the fountain of youth please feel free to rub my head.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be able to update you with more of the dry medical details soon. Thanks so much to every single one of you again. You’re really an amazing, loving and wonderful group of people. I pray that all your blessings would be multiplied back to YOU in many and various ways. You're awesome!

Scott

2004-04-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

We are very excited to announce that Scott will be receiving his Masters of Divinity from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School on Saturday, May 8th, 2004. It’s been a long road of studying and learning over the past 9 years and the day has finally arrived! Woo Hoo! We are all so proud of him.

We are inviting all of you to stop by our home that evening to share in a casual celebration. Our home will be open from 6-9PM, so feel free to stop by at any point during that time and share with Scott your personal congratulations. We would like to share a few minutes of prayer at some point with those who are interested, but otherwise we’d just like to hang out with as many of you that can make it.

Our address is:
1751 N. Talman Avenue
Chicago, IL 60647

If you would be interested in attending please send an email to Michele at moxiegray@yahoo.com so we can have a reasonable expectation of attendance. We’ll have cake and beverages and if anyone would like to bring an appetizer, we would accept your offer (please don’t think it’s a requirement). We’ll be hoping and praying that Scott will be doing well that day.

We would love to see you!

Scott & Michele

2004-04-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

April 9, 2004

Hi Everyone! It’s Michele, the wife. Thanks for your responses to Scott’s last update. A number of people were very funny in their comments and hair suggestions. We love that!

We wanted to let you know about a couple of things. First, many of you have been wondering . . . . “When can I call you???” We want you to know that we too are REALLY looking forward to speaking with you in person. We’re grateful that you held back since we never could have imagined how much time we would be spending on the phone every day. Even though we are still on the phone a lot every day, we want to open up the lines to all of you who have been longing to give us a call. The only thing we ask is that you would continue to get the bulk of your update on Scott’s progress from scooterscoop. It can be hard to repeat the details multiple times every day.

Next, I have some not-so-serious but disappointing news. As many of you know, Scott and I have been waiting to see our daughter Josephine get her 2-second appearance on the TV show “ER”. They’ve been delaying the episode for many weeks due to other programming and reruns. Well, last night we think was the night. . . and . . it appears they cut her scene, accept for a very fuzzy shot of her in the distance. So, we’re going to Hollywood to protest! Please join our cause.

Lastly, many of you have offered to help us out and we have been sending you over to our dear friend Nicolle who was coordinating for us. She has been a great help to us but now we can take your phone calls directly. It’s helpful if you are specific about what area you can help in and when. We’re very grateful for your help as Scott is undergoing daily radiation and chemotherapy for the next 7 weeks. This will continue to be very busy time for us and physically demanding as well. Some of our needs are for help around the house, watching Josephine, running errands and meals. In addition, I twisted my foot last night (simply walking) and it’s bit swollen and painful today. Thank you so much for all the love and support we are receiving from you.

Here’s our address and phone number.

1751 N. Talman Ave.
Chicago, IL 60647
773-227-3048

Thanks bunches and bunches,
Michele

2004-04-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you for your wonderful patience in waiting for our update. It tells us that you can appreciate how much time nonstop doctor appointments and caring for a wonderful baby takes! We just want to say we phenomenally appreciate so much the love, help and prayers we’ve received. I’d like to talk more about this in another letter, but the truth is that every one of you has and continues to have a profound effect of encouragement on our lives. Thank you, thank you, and thank you!

The good news is that I still feel optimistic about things; even through I have a somewhat physically rough road ahead. The final diagnosis is that I have anaplastic astrocytoma, which is a level three cancer in a diffuse pattern throughout my remaining left temple with some penetration in my forward temple. This was confirmed by the top pathologist in the world at John Hopkins Hospital and then by a profound expert who we met with at the National Cancer Institute in the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, MD. This Wednesday I will start weekday radiation treatments for six weeks along with chemotherapy treatments which will continue for one to two years. Through these treatments we are looking to stop the tumors growth in its tracks. It is possible however that we could even see the entire tumor disappear and that would definitely be a huge plus.

The most interesting side effect of this treatment is that I’m going to have a new hairdo. After many years I am going to have Marine Corps style haircut with both sides shaved off (or will it be simply bald from the radiation? Hmmm.). The good thing is that the shaved heads is at this point in our culture are quite popular in many areas. Woohoo!

When it comes to prayer requests, I would ask for those are interested and willing, please pray that I would not endure to the worst extent some of the difficult side effects of the radiation and chemotherapy treatments that some people have to endure. Please also pray that these treatments would be as successful as possible. The truth is that my greatest concern is to continue for a long, long time to be a husband to Michele and a strong, loving father to my daughter Josephine who brings Michele and I so much joy. No matter what happens, you have to know that I appreciate your spiritual prayers and really believe they are impacting me in many, many ways. Despite all the difficulties we are really enjoying every single day.

On another level, I’m very happy to learn that I will be able to return to work contacting customers helping them improve their plastic pipe or vinyl siding businesses with the products that I sell. That will really help me focus on my career and help give me a solid focus on what is for most folks an important element of their lives. Additionally, after years of part time study over numerous semesters I will finally receive my Masters of Divinity degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL. I can’t even tell you how much I am looking forward to my graduation and then using many of the things I’ve learned to teach classes at my own church and elsewhere. It’s going to be fun!

We want to thank everyone again for your love and support, it really means so much.

Scott

scooterscoop@comcast.net

2004-03-28T23:20:00.000-08:00

3/28/2004

As Scott stated in his last update, we are so thankful for everyone’s help, encouragement and especially prayer. The little notes we receive at scooterscoop really mean a lot to us. I wish we were able to give out more updates but we have been exhausted with all the doctors appointments, phone calls and research.

First, I want to state this. This cancer is a heavy burden. In dealing with it, I think at times Scott is much stronger than I am and many of you who have talked with him know what I’m talking about. He amazes me. I can only believe that God is truly answering your prayer to sustain us and lift us and keep our eyes focused on HIM. A friend shared this verse with us and I hope it encourages you folks who are praying for us. ‘Matthew 7:9-11 “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?” Please please don’t stop praying for us. It appears now that we have a long road ahead.

We saw Dr. Raizer, the neuro-oncologist, this past Thursday and he gave us the final details of Scott’s latest pathology review. They’ve concluded that Scott has a cancerous astrocytoma (level III) and not a mixed tumor. This means he won’t be eligible for the stem-cell rescue procedure. Instead they are suggesting a course of radiation, which he will receive daily for about a month and a half (not including weekends) and at the same time begin chemotherapy, which he will remain on for 1 to 2 years. As long as the remaining tumor does not grow or it SHRINKS (pray for that!) or it disappears (really pray for that!!) they will consider the treatments successful. Scott will have MRI’s taken every two months in order to monitor this. They want to begin as soon as possible. We know that the radiation and chemo will cause him fatigue, especially the first three months. We are also told that there could be some long term side effects to the radiation. Please pray for these things.

We are heading out to the east coast this week for second opinions from some of the top brain tumor specialists in the world. They will review everything and give us and Dr. Raizer their recommendations for treatment. We’ll let you know how it goes.

Michele, Scott and Josephine

2004-03-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

A brief update:

First of all, I want to thank every one of you for your love, compassion and prayerful hearts for me and my family. It’s incredible encouraging and powerful to us! Physically, I’m improving every day from my surgery in such a way that continues to impress everyone who’s had the opportunity to spend time with me. It’s definitely strange to think that I’m missing a part of my brain, but hey, I’ve always enjoyed being a goofball anyway. The truth is that I’m really doing quite well even though recovering from any kind of surgery is a bit of a trial. The most difficulty for me right now to completely recover my short term memory, I regularly seem to be scratching my head to remember certain issues and titles or names, but I’ve been told that in six weeks I should be quite recovered. In the mean time I’m using a recorder and note book to keep me as much on track as possible.

Spiritually, I’m using my free time to refocus much of my life of the Lord through prayer and Bible reading and I’m really excited about it. I haven’t been able to see the movie “The Passion” but I’ve really enjoyed reading through the gospel of John and now Luke. If you’ve never read through John in two days you’re missing out on the flow and the context! It’s like a new revelation all the way.

I want to keep this short so I should wrap this up with my prayer request at this point. I’m meeting with my Neuro Oncologist tomorrow and will learn the details of the analysis of my cancerous tumor and thoroughly discuss his recommendations for treatment. Then we will need to schedule second opinions with someone else probably out of state. Please pray for wisdom and guidance through this process, but also for God’s intervention for healing right away! I believe God still has a purpose and calling on my life for his will.

In Christ’s Love,

2004-03-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends -
I would like to give a brief update on the news we received today from our visit with Scott's neurosurgeon and neuro-oncologist. We hope to provide more details on the prognosis and how people can pray for us in the next few days as we sort through this.

Right now what we know is this. Scott's tumor was composed of two different types of tumor cells. One called an oligodendroglioma and another called an astrocytoma. In each type they found level 2 and level 3 grade cells. That means a combination of cancerous (3) and non-cancerous (2) but they treat the tumor at the highest level of tumor grade found, so Scott does have a cancerous brain tumor. It looks like he will certainly be undergoing chemotherapy starting in a few weeks and depending on some further study of the tumor they may also recommend he undergo an intense procedure of harvesting his stem cells, killing everything off and replacing them with his own. That would mean 3-4 weeks in the hospital.

In the end, I wish we could say more now but we are quite pooped and need to actually obtain some sleep. We really do want to continue to thank all of you for your love, support and encouragment which is making such a profound impact in our lives that we can barely explain it. We are dramatically empowered and encouraged in the showering of your love, affection and profound prayers. I wish we could really communicate what we're feeling, without having you stand in our shoes! We simply want to thank each of you with the love of Christ for your incredible love and affection. You are truly an incredibly powerful and supernatural role in our lives.

Love,
Michele, Scott and Josephine

2004-03-16T22:18:00.000-08:00

March 16, 2004

It’s 6PM on Tuesday night. Josephine is happily jumping up and down in her bouncy chair and Scott has finally settled down for another nap. We are glad to be home but we were a little concerned this morning when it seemed Scott’s left eye and forehead were more swollen than we had seen yet. He also seemed to be experiencing some more “confusion”. We called Dr. Chandler and his nurse Mary Ellen explained that this was totally normal for the swelling to peak at about three to four days after the surgery. Hearing this relieved our worries. Since we’ve been home Scott’s been trying to rest and manage the pain and our expectation is that after today the healing process will get easier with each day. One of the joys of today was that Scott got to take his first real shower and wash his hair!! Mark that off your prayer list! He was getting a little grizzly.

I want to share a story that testifies to my husband’s character and Gods grace. On Sunday morning, as I got ready to go to the hospital, I was feeling very sad and discouraged. I tried to shake it and pray through it and rationalize it away but I wasn’t very successful. When I arrived at the hospital, Scott was also having a difficult morning due to the pain. We were a sorry lot. Soon after I arrived, his nurse, who I hadn’t met yet, came in to check Scott’s vitals. I asked her if Scott had shown her pictures of Josephine yet. (He had shown everyone who entered his room!) She sat down on the sofa to look at the pictures and began to tell us about her own two teenage children. They were each going through a difficult period of teenage rebelliousness and depression and she was struggling with feeling responsible. We listened for a while and then Scott asked if we could pray for her. She welcomed the invitation. We sat down beside her and began to pray for her and her children. Soon the tears started to fall as God was lifting her spirit and strengthening her! When we finished, she was so grateful. After she left I realized that my spirit had been lifted and strengthened too! In that moment God had shown me so many different things. I was reminded about the way he cares for us through caring for one another, His sovereign control over all of this, and how in the end it’s not about us but about Him. I wouldn’t have had that experience if it weren’t for my husband who, in spite of his pain, took that opportunity to pray for his nurse. I hope this letter doesn’t embarrass him (because I’m bragging so much) but he is my precious gift from God and I’m so proud to be his wife.

Thank you for continuing to care for us with your prayers, help and encouragement. Thursday is the day we get the pathology report and learn what we need to do from here.

God Bless You,
Michele

2004-03-15T14:23:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Jennifer and I had the opportunity to visit Scott last night at the hospital,
and in short, he's doing pretty well. His brother Steve was there, as well as
his parents, for about our first 30 minutes. After they left, we talked for
another hour and walked with Scott all over the floor he's on. Much of the time was spent with a fellow patient and her family who were thrilled to see Scott walking around. We were all in her room--she had surgery on her entire spinal column--laughing and enjoying God's good graces.

Scott looked good--well, he does need to wash his hair or he's going to start
looking like a candidate for American Idol--he moved well and his conversation
was great. There were a couple little "memory" moments where he couldn't think of a word, but most people wouldn't even notice that. His humor is there, and when we were with his fellow patient, the evangelist came out again. It was a really blessed evening.

Keep praying for Scott. He and Michele are still waiting for the results of the
tests which should be available on Thursday. These results will determine the
direction of Scott's after-surgery treatment. They are obviously concerned
about this and we should direct many of our prayers to their peace during the
waiting period.

O, I almost forgot the good news: Scott most likely will be going home today! So, keep those encouraging words and prayers comin' in. Thank you all for your support.

Blessings to you all,

David

2004-03-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

"I feel like I've been balancing on the edge of a cliff for the last three
weeks. . . and someone just told me I could take a step back."
-Michele Gray (March 12, 2004)

Dear friends,
I must be brief so I can get back to the hospital but I wanted to give everyone the update on how Scott's surgery went yesterday. He didn't go into surgery until 2PM but he was in recovery by 6PM. The waiting was difficult but I was relieved when we finally saw Dr. Chandler coming out to give us Scott's report. He said the surgery went well and very much as he expected. He removed as much of the tumor as possible including a difficult area that was pushing up against his brain stem. There is still a small portion in an area they cannot operate on without surely leaving Scott with permanent brain damage. From what Dr. Chandler could tell, the brain tumor does appear to be benign but we'll get the full report by possibly Thursday of next week. Scott came out of the anesthesia talking and was able to put together sentences. This is really good!! We don't know yet if his short term memory has been affected but even if it is, it might only be temporary. I am so happy about all this news. I know that God was with Scott and the surgery team. I kept praying that the Lord would guide the surgeon’s hands and that he would remove "not too much, not too little". I feel confident that this prayer has been answered. I was able to talk with Scott a bit last night in the ICU and his silly charming sweet personality is still there despite the heavy dose of pain killers. Praise God!!! The doctor thinks he is going to recover well and will probably move him to the regular neurology floor today.

Keep praying for his recovery and the upcoming pathology report on the tumor.

We are so grateful to all of you and will keep you updated!

All our love,
Scott, Michele and Josephine

2004-03-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

To All the Wonderful Family and Friends at scooterscoop,

Thank you so much for all the incredible encouragement you are. I am thoroughly grateful to hear your words of encouragement and blessing. I pray the Lord will repay each one of you in this life and the next for all of the prayers, kindness and support you’ve shown us. Thank you so much!

One important note: I do currently read all of the email sent to scootercoop@comcast.net

It’s just that it will be much easier to have someone else monitor the mail box and send out updates during my early recovery. (Thanks Dave and Jen for running the email, and Nicolle for arranging and scheduling all the babysitting and help! I also have thank – and smooch – Michele for being an amazing wife and support!)

I would really like to encourage all of you who are praying for me. I’ve received many wonderful stories of successful surgeries and recoveries. I’ve even received one story from a friend who had a dangerous tumor that actually disappeared through the power of prayer. Please pray that happens for me!

I feel very confident that everything is going to go well and that God has further plans for me in this life. If you came over to our house recently you might be surprised to find Michele and me joking and laughing and enjoying ourselves. We see no reason to give in to fear or worry. That’s the enemy’s territory and we aren’t going to let him steal one day. The truth is that although we don’t understand all of God’s ways, we do know one thing: God is good all the time! No matter the circumstances.

One reality that is coming clearer all the time to me through this is found in James 4:14 “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” It’s become more a reality to me that time is short, no matter if I live for 40 more years or not. I want to make my life count for Christ and now is the time for me to be serving Him and others. Frankly, I’m excited about that. When I was on the Neurology floor I kind of wandered from room to room and chatted with my fellow patients and had a blast. Before I left each room I asked them if I could pray for them and I didn’t get one “no”. I prayed with them right there and each one was so grateful it makes me wonder why I would’ve been nervous about doing that in the past. Regardless, I’m really enjoying serving God in stepping out and reaching other people. It’s fun. You have to try it!

So, please keep me in your prayers, and don’t be afraid to pray for this to dissolve. No matter what happens, I know God is good all the time and your love and concern is a powerful demonstration of that.

With Christ’s love,

Scott

For those of you who are interested in the details of what’s happening the next few days you can read the following. It’s kind of boring though.

The Surgery

On Friday morning I will undergo surgery to remove the tumor at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. They won’t be able to remove the entire tumor, but the results of my MRI, MRA indicate it is quite likely I have a benign rather than cancerous tumor. After it is removed it will be thoroughly analyzed in the pathology lab to determine its nature. The results will determine whether I will need to undergo immediate chemotherapy or whether my Doctors will be able to wait and see how the tumor behaves over the long run. It is entirely possible that this tumor is slow growing and I’ve had it for over 25 years (or longer). If that’s the case we can probably wait to determine what action will be best.

The Recovery

The bottom line for the short term is that the surgery itself doesn’t appear to be all that dangerous although it’s a bit daunting for me. I will be in surgery for roughly two to three hours and then 24 hours in the ICU. I will then move to the Neurological ward for two to five days and then will be able to return home. Immediately after the surgery I will have a lapse in short term memory while my brain retrains itself and probably some loss in peripheral vision in one eye. I understand that it will be approximately six weeks until I’m back to full thinking and study mode and able to return to work. (Michele says that doesn’t mean I get to slack on my laundry duties. Heh, heh. Always a comedian!)

The strange thing about all of this for me is that except for a small headache right now I feel pretty everyday normal. (OK, OK, fill in your own personal joke comments HERE – and if you don’t I’ll be disappointed!)

2004-03-05T22:10:00.000-08:00

March 5, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

Many of you have been expressing your love and concern for Michele, Josephine and me over the last few weeks. Thank you so much! For others of you this letter will come as first news and a surprise about the recent events that have been surrounding our lives. In either case, we are praising God for our friends and family that care for us so deeply. My intent in this letter is to answer the many questions you have about my (Scott’s) health and let you know exactly how you can pray for us and help us.

The bottom line is that I (Scott) need to have brain surgery. The Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago (one of the world’s finest facilities) have just last week discovered a tumor in my left front temporal lobe and will attempt to remove it the morning of March 12th. Thereafter the tumor will undergo analysis in the lab and in five days we should know if it is fast growing and cancerous or slow growing and benign. My Doctor expects that it will be a level two benign tumor on a scale of 1 – 4 with level one being the best case scenario, while the level four would be the worst. The difficulty is that Neurosurgeon Dr. James Chandler will be able to remove most of but not quite the entire tumor without causing damage to my past memories and ability to speak. There is a reasonable chance however; that if the tumor is not totally benign and slow growing that chemotherapy will be able to knockout the sliver that extends into the rear portion of my temporal lobe. If it’s a level one tumor we’ll be able to leave it alone and it won’t affect me much at all for the foreseeable future.

The good news is that – at least I’m told – the portion of the brain that is being removed is among the least necessary parts of the brain and that it shouldn’t affect me in the long run. (Personally I get the feeling I need all the brain power I can get, while my Dad tells me not to worry because they won’t find much in there anyway!) Despite the difficulties we still love to laugh as often as possible! I may have some difficulty with short term memory for awhile but the brain is a marvelous instrument and will quickly adjust. I am hopeful that I will be able to return to my regular roles as husband and father rather quickly.

It would be an overstatement to say that I’m not afraid or nervous however. I fully believe in my heart Paul’s writing in Philippians 1:21 which states “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” but I am also fearful about the possibility of leaving behind my lovely wife whom is an incredible source of joy and influence in my life and my precious seven month old daughter. I ache to be a strong, significant and supporting husband and father for a long, long time! I love them so much and pray constantly that I can be here for them and I believe I will be. God isn’t done with me yet and there’s so much more I believe He has for me to do!

One thing we would ask you to do for us right now is pray, but please do not call! We appreciate all of the support and love but we are being swamped with phone calls and it’s extremely tiring emotionally and physically. We are so grateful for the love and support we are receiving, it is awesome and overwhelming, but we’re on the phone too much. Please don’t feel we don’t appreciate your efforts, it’s just that trying to explain what’s happened on the phone all day long is simply overwhelming. Fortunately, we do have a few friends who have given us suggestions on how to handle all of this.