People ask how we're doing and I can usually tell them that we're doing great! I'm finding that I have a really real peace over Scott's death. I know many people find that hard to believe and it's even hard for me to explain. All I can say is that "peace that passes understanding" is real. I figure that God has a lot to do with giving me peace but aside from my faith maybe it's because when True was born that marked our new beginning in the most profound way. So, I'm just so happy being a mom to my kids. I don't wish Scott back from paradise, I just look forward to meeting him again there someday. Our anniversary came and went. I discovered that the worst part was the anticipation that it was going to be a difficult day. When the day came I made some plans with friends and it turned out to be a fun day. Then there was Thanksgiving and that too ended up being a beautiful special holiday with friend and family. Christmas is coming and I'm not sure how that will feel but I won't know until I get there.
It's not that I never feel sad, I do. When I find myself feeling sad I've discovered it's usually because I'm remembering the hard struggle of battling with brain cancer and the disappointments of losing the fight. I try not to remember that.
Instead, I think how lucky I am that I was given one great romance in my life. A love and a marriage sweeter than I could have ever imagined. Maybe I'll be so blessed that God will grant me another great romance, husband and father, some day. Here's the answer to the question people don't like to ask. Yes, while Scott was alive we did talk about my getting remarried. He really wanted me to get married again, for me and for the kids. He hoped that the kids would have a real flesh and blood dad to raise them with me. And like I've said before, Scott and I loved being married and he told me he wanted that for me again too. I don't know how that's going to happen but I'm sure God's got a plan.
That's the update for now, I'll make the next one more about the kids. I love talking about them!!!
Merry Christmas
Michele
2 Comments:
I haven't read this blog in a while. Glad I decided to check back tonight and see that you are doing so well. Our kids are around the same age (Mine are 2 yrs., today! and 5 months (6.27.05)). I am cherishing every moment with them and already crying that my little boy won't be a baby much longer. Though things do get difficult sometimes and I have people to help me. You are amazing for being able to do this yourself. May you be blessed with much happiness. I'm sure Scott is watching over you and smiling. Please feel free to visit our blog too. We knew Scott through swing dancing and I met you once at a party at Kim Brown's.
Today is January 30, 2007, a good while after Scott went to heaven. I still check Scooter Scoop one in a while, hoping to see some photos or a piece of news of how you all are doing. I worked at TEDS, I was the Field Education Coordinator. I was pregnant with our daughter when I first met Scott. He just became a new father at that time. Though I have left TEDS and have been serving in the the missions field in the Philippines with my family. I still think of Scott. If you would still like to post something, I will be checking back. Still praying for you.
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