What I Learned From My 2 Year Old

It's October and Scott died 4 months ago. Josephine turned 2 in July. I'm amazed at how much she is aware of and her memory of him.

My husband and I had a strong faith in God and I believe that he is in heaven. So when my daughter and I talk about daddy, I often tell her that "He had to go away. He loves us very much. We love him very much. He's happy. He's in heaven."

The other day, we were having a conversation about daddy and for the first time I asked her what she thought daddy was doing in heaven. It's interesting, but I hadn't put a lot of thought into that myself. So she said, "He's dancing." You see, Scott and I loved to dance. We met swing dancing and often danced with each other in front of her. While I was pregnant with Josephine we were even taking tap lessons together.

I said, "Yes, I bet he is dancing or maybe he's reading." And the game went on like that. Now when she brings up daddy, we talk about what he might be doing "right now". Dancing, swimming, reading, eating, singing. I love it. This conversation with my two year old has been so healing for me. I'm reminded me that Scott isn't just gone. If I believe in heaven then I guess I have to believe that he's doing something there right now just as I'm doing something here.

People often say to me that he's at rest now. Well, if I know Scott, the last thing he is doing right now is resting. He got plenty of rest while he was battling cancer. I think he's dancing.

(side note: I actually wrote this about a month ago but it took a while to post it)

The kids are in bed. Hallelujah! I'm going to try and continue to keep this journal going for myself, the kids and anyone else who would like to see how we are doing from time to time. But no guarantees. You see, with a two year old and an infant my home is a constant buzz and my hands are full.

I love them so much. I wasn't sure how it was going to feel after True was born. I thought that it just might be really sad raising two little ones without Scott. Instead, I look at them and my heart is just filled with LOVE. I once had the joy of so often saying "I love being a wife!!" now everyday I'm overcome with, "I love being a mom!" It's so exhausting. I've realized that if one kid is 1 times the work, than two kids is 4 times the work. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Being a mom is the number one calling God has placed on my life since Scott died. Before that it was to be wife and care for my husband. It's such a great honor to raise them and be the most important influence in their life right now.

True is turning out to be the perfect baby. He's colicky and is showing no signs of slowing. It's hard on Josephine because she doesn't like her brother to be upset so she offers suggestions on what True might need. In her panicked little voice she'll say, "OH NO, True's crying. He needs breast milk!" or "We have to help him. His tummy hurts!" or "Can you put him in the Baby Bjorn Momma?". She is such a sweet heart and we love baby True.

Gotta go take a shower, clean up the house, pay a few bills and get to bed.

Blessing!

Michele